Hurting yourself in confusion
by IceCrome
Summary: Requestfic. Two trainers wonder how a Bronzor can hurt itself in its confusion--in a wide open meadow. Crack.


_Ice: Request by my good friend, who is lazy and will not update._

_Finish your goddamn story already!_

_Oh, and I just used myself instead of Dawn, Paul, Ash, or anyone else._

_© Satoshi Taijiri_

_-_

A young, brunette girl with a kick-ass Blaziken that was _far _superior to Charizard walked through a wide-open field with her team of Pokemon. She wore headphones around her ears and her clothing was basically the equivalent of that emo boy in 'The World Ends with You', only female, less emo and wore glasses.

Her Honchkrow, cleverly named 'Hitchcock' flew beside her, and they were searching for Pokemon that they could train for slave-labor I mean contests.

They traveled the wide-open meadow in search of a stream to get a drink of water in.

"Hitchcock, fly up and see if you can spot a stream any where." It loyally obeyed, and flew up high in the air, trying to see a stream or river any where.

It flew north, and she followed it to see where it was going. Eventually, a small stream was found, and she smiled, finally happy to be able to fill up her canister with water.

"Thanks." It sat on the ground, waiting for its master to finish. She tied up her short brown hair into a Juno-esque pony tail, with the bangs hanging down to her chin.

"Bron, Bron." She looked up to see the blue-green steel/psychic Pokemon hovering in the air, trying to figure out what that strange girl was doing there.

"Hey, A Bronzor! This thing only has, like, one weakness! It'll be perfect for battles." She sent out Hitchcock.

"Go! Use Confuse ray!" He shot out a pink-and-white ray to confuse the Pokemon. It spun around, and she smiled a toothy smile.

"Alright, it's going to hurt itself in its confusion!" It dizzily ran around in a circle; fell into the stream, somehow electrocuting itself even though Steel doesn't conduct electricity.

"…um…" She scratched her head, trying to find the logic in this situation.

"Krow?" It looked at her as if it were expecting an answer.

"…er…" The Bronzor like, _teleported _(she always wondered how they went back into the wild after fainting) and she was left utterly confused.

"Um…okay! Let's try and find another one." Hitchcock perched on her head, and she walked along, trying to find another Bronzor that wouldn't somehow electrocute itself in a stream.

How was that physically _possible!?_

She searched, trying to find another Bronzor. Eventually, she came across another one, and they were deep in the woods.

"Alright, try it again! Hitchcock, use Confuse ray!" It shot out the same colored ray, confusing the hexagonal Pokemon. It kept hitting itself on trees, and even tripped over _air_, falling on its face.

"Uh…" Her right eye started to twitch.

"Right…okay, pokeball, go!" She threw the sphere at it, but it escaped, apparently not hitting itself on enough trees.

"Damn, I thought I had it. Alright, Hitchcock, use dark pulse!" It released a dark aura, but the Bronzor narrowly avoided it.

"Crap, it missed!" The two watched the confused Pokemon twist and turn in the air. She put a hand over her forehead so the sun wouldn't blind her eyes.

And it exploded.

"Oh come on! It doesn't even _learn _self-destrcut!" She yelled, crossing her arms.

"Come on; let's try to find another one. I'm determined to catch one." She pounded her fist into her palm, and journeyed on to find another one. The bird perched itself on her head, and she continued through the forest in hopes of finding a dark cave, where they inhabited it.

Her hopes were achieved, as she saw a long, dark hole that could rival Paris Hilton's cash n' prizes.

"Okay, there's bound to be one in here." She took out a flashlight, and searched around until another hexagonal blue Pokemon was found.

Thankfully, one appeared quite quickly.

"Aha! There you are. Okay, try this one more time. Hitchcock, use Confuse Ray!"

"Wait! I challenge you to a battle!"

"Oh come on!" She looked around to see a tall guy with glasses and a Charizard behind him.

"But…Bronzor-! Fine. Go, Skitty!" She returned her Honchkrow and sent out her adorable kitten Pokemon.

"Charizard, go!" The Pokemon stepped up in front of him, and gave an intimating glare to it.

"Skitty, use Shadow ball!" A purple blob of darkness shot at the Charizard, who was hit directly in the duodenum. If Charizard's even have one, that is.

"Shake it off! Charizard, use Belly drum!"

"Are you insane?! It cuts its HP in half!" She yelled, crossing her arms, and he smiled slyly.

"You rely on raw power instead of tactic." She narrowed her eyes.

"Whatever. Skitty, use Blizzard!" The pokemon released a giant blizzard…from its mouth.

"Pft. Charizard, use Fire Punch!" She smirked as the attack hit. Charizard suddenly had hearts in its eyes.

"Charizard, use outrage!" He didn't move.

"What?"

"My Skitty has Cute Charm. Touching it can make the opponent's pokemon infatuated with it." He smirked.

"Smart move. Charizard, return. Go, Poseidon!" He sent out a Starmie.

"…you're kidding me? Alright, Skitty, charge up for Solar Beam!" Skitty absorbed as much light as it could in the dark cave.

"Poseidon, use Surf!" She narrowed her eyes; knowing that the attack had a low miss rate.

"Skitty, use Blizzard to freeze the wave, and then use Solar Beam on it!" Skitty quickly released a Blizzard, freezing the wave, and used Solar Beam on it.

"Very smart." His Starmie was still alive.

"Use Recover."

"What?! Cheap!" She gritted her teeth.

"Skitty, use Shadow Ball!"

"Avoid and use ice beam." It avoided the shot, and sent out a beam of ice, hence the name, knocking out the pokemon.

"Hn…Skitty, return. Go, Hitchcock!" She sent out her Honchkrow, and it flew beside her.

"Use Embargo!" She smirked.

"Try to heal it. Hitchcock, use Night Slash!" It slashed the star twice, knocking out Poseidon, who had already taken the Solar Beam attack hard.

"You're not as bad as you look. Return! Go, Aphrodite!"

"Somebody likes Greek Mythology." He smiled, and nodded.

"Aphrodite, use Toxic!" A large purple circle appeared underneath Honchkrow, poisoning it.

"Frick, I hate poison...Hitchcock, use Fly!" It flew up in the cave, and hovered there, but wincing in pain as the poison took effect.

"Aphrodite, use protect!" As Honchkrow was about to dive down, a large blue wall, protecting it.

"Wait…!" That made the crow break to a stop, and waited for protect to wear off.

"Use Night slash!"

"Aphrodite, use crunch!" The two clashed. Kangaskhan was knocked out, and Honchkrow soon after.

"Heh, this is pretty fun. Go, Sheimi!" She returned it, however, as she saw a Bronzor.

"Hey! Hold on a sec. I've been trying to catch a Bronzor for a while; can you help me catch it? It's being a little bitch and keeps, like, spontaneously combusting and stuff." He smiled.

"You can catch a Shaymin, but not a Bronzor?"

"Shut up; Shaymin doesn't _explode!_" She shot him a dirty look.

"Right. Go, Charizard!"

"Go, Blaziken!"

"Blaziken, use focus blast!"

"Charizard, use blast burn!"

The two collided into a fiery _hell, _and the whole cave was expanded at least ten-kilometers.

The damn thing didn't die.

"Alright, Blaziken, return." She used a revive on her Honchkrow.

"Use Confuse ray!" It used the attack for the eighth time.

"Alright then." She was about to throw a pokeball, when the thing took out a _mallet _from god-knows-where, and hit itself on the head.

She gaped, while he chuckled.

"Where the hell did it get a _mallet!?_"

"Plot twist or something." He chuckled.

"I am going to catch one!" She dragged him out of the cave, and went into the meadow to find it.

They walked a ways, before he put an arm on her shoulder.

"Just because I am shorter than you does _not _give you the right to use me as an armrest." She glared up at him.

"Ah, but I believe it does."

"…"

"Hey, there's one." He pointed to it, and it was floating in the air, minding its own business.

"ALRIGHT. Hitchcock, USE FREAKING CONFUSE RAY!" She yelled at it, and twitched. It fired the same repetitive light at the thing.

"OKAY. Let's see how it commits suicide this time!" It came up to her, took out a pocket-knife she had for other means of protection, and it _deliberately stabbed itself._

"That's not hurting yourself in confusion, that's just _seppuku!" _She shouted, fed up that she couldn't catch a goddamned Bronzor!

"Maybe you should stop using confuse ray…"

"Maybe you should _shut up!_" She crossed her arms, and he put his hands up in defense.

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down. It's not my fault you completley fail."

"Shut. Up." He liked to make her angry, didn't he?

"Just…let me get a Bronzor and you can go back to whatever you were doing. What _were _you doing, anyway?"

"Look for slaves."

"Right. As soon as I catch one, I'm going to go to Veilstone; I hear there's a contest there."

"Lemme guess, using your _Skitty_?" He said mockingly.

"No, my _Glaceon_, thank you."

"Well, whatever. But, I would like to see how a Bronzor hurts itself without any appendages in a surrounding meadow. Mind a few studies?"

"No. Let me just catch one-and screw it if I'm using Confuse Ray." He laughed.

"Alright." They eventually found Bronzor, who apparently grew on trees, for there were an endless supply of them, and always around for some reason.

"Blaziken, use Flare Blitz!" It shot flames at it, and she threw a pokeball.

Click.

"Finally! Now, I'll help you with your 'research' or whatever." They flew on their pokemon-Honchkrow and Charizard, respectively, to hopefully find a slew of them.

"Hey I can see my house from here! Crap, I'm being robbed!" She said, and he chuckled.

"Hey, there are a bunch down there." She flew down to the ground after he pointed out the giant flock, and Hitchcock perched atop her head.

"Alright." He sat down, spawning a notepad and pencil, and signaled to her to use as many confuse rays as possible.

"Hitchcock, use confuse ray on all of them!" He spawned a giant pink and white light, and made all of the poor hexagons confused.

All hell broke loose.

They started committing seppuku left and right with various objects they had spawned from absolutely _nowhere._

She actually saw a couple sword-fighting to the death. Then comitting suicide on themselves.

"Um…I think we should go…" She backed away slowly, and whistled to her Honchkrow to get the _fudge _out of there.

"Get your Charizard; I sense a mushroom cloud!" He called out his Charizard.

"How do you sense it…?"

"I'm female! Go, now!" They flew away, and luckily, avoided the massive mushroom cloud that commenced.

"Wow, I can't believe that getting a bunch of Bronzor's confused would cause…well…_that._"

"Pretty freaky, ain't it?"

"Yeah, really…Hey, I never caught your name." She said, turning to him.

"…just call me PC. You?"

"You can address me as IC."

-

_Ice: Um…yeah, I really don't know._

_I included PClaw in there because I wanted to include a battle…so…yeah._

_Hah. Imagine a Bronzor committing seppuku. That'd be kinda funny…_


End file.
